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Second Marriages: Incorporating Children Into the Ceremony

January 27th, 2010 Posted in Planning

How to Make Children Feel Like They Are a Part of Your Marriage

With the rapid increase in the number of remarriages over the past few decades, the percentage of children who now belong to “blended” families has also risen. Each year, it seems that more and more children become witnesses to the birth of their own step families, an experience that can be fraught with worry and even dread. Just watching the wedding happen around them can often serve to distance and divide children from their new stepparents, rather than helping to draw the two closer together. Including children in the celebration though, can cement the foundation upon which good future relationships may be built. Many brides and grooms however, may be oblivious to their options when it comes to ways to incorporate their children into the wedding. Read on to find five touching recommendations that will truly make your children feel like they are a part of your marriage.

1. Ask them to be attendants.

One of the most charming ways to include children in your wedding is to ask them to be attendants. Making them members of the wedding party can afford them a pivotal role in the proceedings, and assign them a distinguished title too. Young daughters, aged four to seven, can be drafted as flower girls, while young sons are ready-made ring bearers. Older children may assume the roles of junior attendants, or even that of the maid of honor or best man.

2. Celebrate with a special ceremony.

Including a special ceremony in your wedding is also a wonderful avenue to incorporating children. Having them participate in the lighting of candles or the pouring of sand can help to solidify the concept of the new family formation, and gives children a good visual representation of their unique roles. Articles associated with the ceremony can later stand as happy symbols in the children’s home, ones that will remind them of the valuable and vital part they play in the marriage.

3. Encourage them to be escorts.

Another approach to including children in the wedding is to invite them to partner with the bride for the processional. Sadly, for many second marriages, the bride ends up walking down the aisle alone, or simply standing at the altar. A less lonely, and more lovely, option would be to have her children or future stepchildren escort her, and symbolically “giver her away” to the groom. The image is incredibly sweet, and one that will likely linger with both the bride and her escort forever.

4. Make family marriage vows.

The essence of any wedding is the exchanging of vows. To make children feel more important, incorporate them into the wedding by sharing special pledges with them as well. Promises to care for them and provide for their needs are completely appropriate, and may be mildly reassuring too. Naturally, there would never be any references to replacing a deceased or divorced parent, nor would any replies be required unless the children volunteer.

5. Present them with rings, medallions or other mementos.

The giving and receiving of rings is one of the most significant parts of a wedding, so why not present children with them as well? A simple, child-sized band can be a beautiful token, one that can be treasured for years to come. Similarly, a family medallion, inscribed with the child’s name and the wedding date, would be a special memento too. No matter what the gift actually is, the act of giving it will still be meaningful, both for you and for your children.

Theme Weddings: Cool, or Just Corny?

January 23rd, 2010 Posted in Planning

Honest Answers from Attendants, Professionals and Guests

Almost every wedding has a theme, be it a classic color palette, an important cultural influence, or a particular season of inspiration. Some weddings though, take the topic to an extreme, with a concentrated concept that can range from the amazing to the appalling. Although these marriages are certainly memorable, are they really a wonderful reflection of the couple’s unique sense of style, or just a creative whim gone terribly wrong? Read on to hear the honest answer from real attendants, professionals and guests.

Wedding Themes Gone Wrong

The fact is, theme weddings can be a real trill – when they are done right, that is. A bit outside of the box, they offer a unique opportunity for the bridal couple to create a custom experience unlike any other wedding that guests may have attended. Even a clever concept though, can turn out painfully corny, particularly when there are errors in its execution. As Sandy Bearden of Columbia, Maryland stated recently, “I think for a theme wedding to be successful, it needs to be ‘the idea of’ or ‘representative of’ the idea or the theme, and not so much of the actual ‘idea.’ For example would a princess really have a cake shaped like a castle? Probably not, she would most likely have a very elegant cake with the pattern of the lace on her dress.”

What a great insight, Sandy, though unfortunately, it looks to have been lost on some brides and grooms. For example, Reverend Bruce Byers of Albuquerque, New Mexico explained, “I’ve done ‘cowboy/western’ weddings that were great, from the bouquet (wild flowers) down to the spurs worn by the groom. And I’ve done a few that seemed to be someone’s idea of 1950’s Roy Rogers mixed with Toy Story, [ones] that had everybody wondering what was up?”

Naturally, this is not the reaction that most couples are seeking, but tragically, it seems to be a trend. At another wedding near Venice, Florida, attendants were befuddled by a paper cutout of a goldfish that the groom wore as a boutonniere. A deteriorating dolphin theme appears to have resulted in a strange mix of striped and multicolored fish, one of which landed on the groom’s lapel. As Avis Shiveler Brangan, Professional Bridal Consultant quipped, “This was not a wedding, this was a six-year-old’s birthday party put together with scissors and construction paper.” Yikes.

Wedding Themes Done Well

All these horror stories aside though, it is possible to have a simply superb theme wedding. The key is to really research and understand the topic, be it the American Revolution, Mardi Gras or even murder mysteries. Then, think about ways to incorporate that detailed knowledge into different aspects of the wedding, from the invitations right down to the specialty drinks. For instance, one inventive couple near Wells, Maine recently rented a local movie theater to fashion their fifties themed nuptials. The bride appeared authentic with period hair, shoes and a short dress complete with petticoat. Their getaway car was a restored classic, and even the groom looked the role. “I thought that it was very nice,” said Frankie R. Keefe, who attended the service. “The work that they had put forth produced something individualized, had special meaning to them and will always be a great memory. That is what really counts for the big day!”

When it comes to themes, Reverend Bruce Byers thoroughly agrees. “The main thing about a themed wedding is it should be reflective of things that are important to the couple.” In no case was this more clear than in that of an Ohio couple who were recently featured on Chicago’s local news for their football-themed nuptials. Held at an ESPN Zone, the wedding showcased the marriage of a Bears fanatic (the bride) and a Stealers buff (the groom). All the wedding party members wore their favorite team jerseys, with the female attendants in pink. Officiant Michelle Oxman of Evanston, Illinois recalls, “The ceremony included some football references, about playing whatever position was needed, helping the team recover from fumbles, and my favorite: do you willingly give up your status as a free agent and make the welfare of this team your highest priority? Lots of fun.”

Wacky, festive, and even just plain funny, weddings like these prove that themes really can be cool. So, go on, dare to be different and don that Renaissance dress, rock that Hawaiian hula, or spin that roulette wheel. Make your wedding memorable, with a theme that is thoroughly you!

Reduce, Reuse and Recycle: Three Ways to Go Green for Your Wedding

January 8th, 2010 Posted in Planning

Eco-Friendly Ideas that Can Also be Cost-Effective

The truth is – weddings, by nature, are not eco-friendly, nor are they economical. Excess pollution and waste are big by-products of these expensive celebrations, from the fuel burned by the limousine to the aluminum cans and glass containers for the liquor. Despite the recent trend to “go green,” there are still very few resources available for earth-conscious couples, especially those with limited funds. Typically, options like organic catering and recycled stationery come with a steep price, one that may just not be feasible for brides on a budget. However, there are a few ways that your wedding can be both eco-friendly and cost-effective. Read on for a few tips on how to reduce, reuse and recycle on your special day – without spending a fortune.


Reducing waste is a great way to both minimize your wedding’s carbon footprint and save some extra cash. Begin by eliminating the things that are most likely to get thrown away, such as invitations, trinket-type favors and disposable flatware. Consider these cost-saving alternatives instead:

China and Flatware: Instead of using disposables utensils for your reception, or even renting more expensive, but reusable, china and glassware, go completely with finger foods. Have a cocktail-style reception, and curb waste while cutting expenses.

Favors: Instead of one small gift for each guest, consider making a lump sum donation to charity in the name of everyone you have invited. Doing so will allow you to better control the overall amount that you spend, and will eliminate excess waste as well.

Invitations: Instead of sending out traditional invitations, try using an Internet-based service such as Evite.com. Despite the haughty disapproval of many etiquette experts, this has recently become an acceptable alternative among more earth-conscious crowds. And one big bonus – it is free!


Reusing items for your wedding is a wonderful means of saving money, and of eliminating excess too. Consider these three eco-friendly ways to re-purpose old décor, dresses, and flowers for your wedding, and see how cost-effective going green can truly be.

Décor: Instead of shelling out a bunch of cash to buy new decorations, look for creative ways to spruce up your venue with objects you already own. Go for eclectic elegance with mismatched vases and votive holders, or even simple strands of holiday lights. The savings can be substantial, and because you are likely to need the items again, there will be nothing to throw away.

Dresses: Instead of a brand new gown from a bridal salon, consider wearing your grandmother or mother’s old wedding dress. This was once a time-honored tradition, and has recently gained back some of its former greatness in response to the vintage trend. Alterations aside, your attire will be free, and the negative environmental impact will be next to none.

Flowers: Instead of accruing a huge expense for separate reception, rehearsal dinner and even shower arrangements, reuse your centerpieces for every celebration. This cost-cutting technique tends to increase the singular “feel” of your theme by stinging the floral elements together, while also decreasing the amount of flowers that inevitably end up in the dumpster.


Since there will likely be some things for your wedding that you will just have to buy, such as accessories, alcohol and printed products, the only way to lessen the ecological effects (and recoup costs) will be to recycle. When thinking about ways to reduce excess waste – and expenses – for your wedding, remember these tips:

Accessories: Wedding accessories like flower girl baskets, ring beater pillows, and bridal toasting flutes can cost a couple a small fortune, just to end up in storage or the trash. Save your accessories from a similar fate, and earn back a percentage of their expense, by advertising them on sites such as craigslist.org or recycleyourweddin.g.com.

Alcohol: Stocking your bar with alcoholic beverages normally means that there will be a large number of leftover bottles and cans. Keep them out of the landfill and eve recoup a little of their cost by recycling the aluminum and glass. Ask your bartender and guests to assist you by not throwing their empties away.

Paper Products: A lot of paper can be wasted at a wedding, from the escort cards and menus to the place cards and programs. After the reception, recycle these items to reduce your wedding’s carbon footprint and help conserve the earth’s natural resources. There may not be a big monetary reward for your efforts, but the environment will certainly thank you.